In our first post you got a brief run-down of who we are but we want you to know more about us. There will be posts about each of us in this system but for now this will give you an idea of who this system is. The remarks in the brackets–such as [little]–refer to Silent Symphony‘s wonderful explanation of the different members of a system family. Insiders are listed by age because it is not always clear when someone has made him or herself known to Michelle and/or the rest of the world.
MICHELLE: born 18 October 1968 [core]
Charlie: 3? * blonde * pensive, scared * “I be dead” * took on extreme violence [little]
A little guy who is scared but loves to play. Loves lots of different toys—stuffies, vehicles, Duplos, blocks, small resin/plastic animals. Loves the kitties.
Rachel: 6 * medium length straight brown hair * slight build * took on ritual & organized abuse and much of what happened with/around The Mother [little]
A sweet girl who is quite smart but held back some because of the things that happened. A girly-girl. Loves pink & purple, dolls, coloring, blowing bubbles, playing Farmville on Facebook, watching Little Bear on TV. She reverts to younger behavior at times because of the abuse. Still worries some that someone may come and hurt her. Stays out of the closet now, though. Loves the kitties and her blanket. Because of extremely violent sexual abuse, Rachel deals with body memories more than the rest of us.
Mara: 8 * shoulder length wavy brown hair * The Father’s little wife in every way [little; ~dark]
Wise beyond her years because of the responsibilities she took on. Smart and knows it. Can read and write well. Wants to be grown up and not at the same time. Feels a strong allegiance to F even though she’s learning he was hurting her, not loving her, and has a hard time not wanting to go to him and give him what he expected from her for so many years. Is learning to admit she enjoys 8-year-old things like American Girl books. Enjoys Farmville almost as much as Rachel. Enjoys puzzles, on- and offline.
Little Davy: 10 * scraggly longish dark brown hair * a split from David * not as scared, wants to be tough since David can’t be [little]
Loves Lego, enjoys reading if it’s the right things, likes watching the cats play. Thinks girls are silly. Loves to be outside and would tramp around in the woods & countryside forever. All boy!
Tommy: 14 * tidy light brown hair * keeps an eye on the little ones [protector; ~light]
Can we say teenage boy? Tough on the outside, sweeter than you think on the inside. Has a real tenderness for the little ones. Longs to be himself; very hard being a teenage boy in a middle-age woman’s body. He likes TV shows like COPS and CSI.
David: 16 * messy mousy brown hair * timid & scared (terrified at times) * took on torture & neglect and being shut in small dark places [fragment?]
Just wants things to be okay and no one to know how bad he is. Not much sense of who he is or what he likes or wants. Feels he doesn’t deserve anything anyway. Wants to be loved but believes no one could. Just scared in the background.
Cait: 17 * short brown hair * lesbian and proud of it * confident, outgoing * helps everyone get along and function * took on The Father’s sexual abuse when Michelle was a teenager [light]
Has been in front a good portion of time compared to the others and has a lot of influence. Hates being 17 and queer and unable to do anything about the way she feels about certain women. Can feel sad and depressed about this and has resorted to self-injury to chase away the pain. Loves music and drawing. Gets along with nearly anyone. Enjoys life in general.
Joss: 19 * nondescript * jeans and t-shirts gal * bisexual * confrontational * took on sexual & emotional abuse and programming. Joss & Rachel are connected [dark; destructive; ?internal programmer; working on turning to protector]
Loves snarkiness (sarcasm & dry wit). Likes getting some expression in through “bumper stickers” on Facebook—but knows where to draw the line for Michelle’s sake. Enjoys snarky websites and wishes she could do harmless pranks. Has had a lot to do with self injury and suicidal activity that has occurred.
Richard: 34 * tall & thin * here to make sure Michelle doesn’t get hurt by men anymore * quite in the background now for the most part (fairly merged?) [protector; now light]
Smart and likes a mental challenge. Enjoys crosswords and other word puzzles, loves playing solitaire of all sorts. Analytical. Hates being a man in a woman’s body.
Robert: early 50s? * short * hair short & starting to gray * took on programming [dark; internal programmer; destructive]
Don’t know much about Robert. Working with him to defuse and refute the programmed messages. Aside from spewing the messages at us, he pretty much keeps to himself.
Gloria: mid-50s? * shoulder length, flowy blonde hair * maternal/motherly * keeps things under control * takes care of many things * is in front more than anyone else, probably even Michelle [internal self helper; gatekeeper; light]
Caretaker all the way. Loves being domestic, taking care of things, taking care of people. Cooking, entertaining, giving of herself. She holds things together and loves most of it.
Cait here. I wish so much I could draw people, faces. I would do drawings of each of us, including Michelle. I want to take a drawing class or at least get a couple books so maybe I could eventually draw us all. I wish I could show you who we are!
~Michelle, Gloria, Cait