How to Move Forward in Seven (Not-So) Easy Steps ~Cait~


Step 1: Long for the past and pine for that woman in the past enough to share your feelings with her, kiss her and create a huge mess when you realize it would be bad for the whole system to be with her.

Step 2: A couple months after tidying up said mess, continue longing and pining enough to think about sending her a letter saying you really do want to make it work–but don’t send the letter.

Step 3: Get feelings riled up again several months later and meet her for coffee, ending up at her place and becoming violently ill from her smoking (and probably stress)–but succeed in not telling her that you want to be with her.

Step 4: A year after getting smoked out, get the longing going strong again, send her a letter hoping you can be friends (without any mention of ulterior motive), get a letter back from her, and talk to her on the phone.

Step 5: After reading her letter repeatedly, realize there really, truly isn’t anything there to hang on to anymore–especially considering you have it right there in front of you in writing that she doesn’t believe you are multiple.

Step 6: Send her a letter telling her it’s a problem that she doesn’t believe in your multiplicity. Then cry with relief, sadness, anger, and frustration. Cry over loss and lost time. Cry about what you could have lost if you’d changed things to be with her.

Step 7: Know that feelings for her may arise again in the future but feel relief that this blog post will be waiting as a reminder that there is nothing to go to with her.

6 responses »

    • No more letters, no more nothing, I’m done with it and her. And there can’t be anyone else because Gloria married the huz and that’s where we’re staying. It’s the best and easiest thing to keep what we have. Even though some of us wish there could be someone else.


    • Thx, IP. I’m finding peace. Finding out for sure she doesn’t believe we’re multiple makes that much easier. Sometimes I want to tell her that would be like me telling her that since I can’t see her voices, I don’t believe she’s been hearing them for the past 20 years. Gah!


  1. Ugh, you really can’t get around the fact of someone not believing in your multiplicity. What a deal breaker! But perhaps it’s for the best since it looks like you’ve decided to stay with the hub? Your decision to do so doesn’t make any residual feelings for this woman instantly vanish, but I’ve always found it so much easier to deal with such things once a definite decision has been made.

    Wish you the best with this!


    • Thanks, Beauty. Yep, her not believing is not only a lover deal breaker, but also a friendship deal breaker. I suspected she didn’t believe it but at least now I know for sure. And yeah, staying with the hub. It’s where we are and changing that would create a tremendous amount of chaos. It’s often not easy but we (we-we and we-he) make it work the best we can.


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